Being A New Mom Inspired Me To Confront My Anxiety
I’m a mom. To be honest, i’m a mom that never liked to talk about my anxiety.
Of course that was before i started this blog.
Being a mom, and even as a new mom 7 years ago, has made dealing with anxiety so hard.
Being a mom who suffers from anxiety isn’t what others might think it’s like.
Living with anxiety can be so much more than just doubting yourself or every decision you make. It’s so many emotions that can’t be explained. To make it worse, the comments and judgment that go along with the word “anxiety” can be very disheartening.
Leaving so many of us speechless, and not wanting to talk about it.
There’s not a lot of talk going on in the mental health community as it is right now, or at-least not enough of it to make that movement fully happen, yet.
I believe that it’s because so many of us, myself included, choose to go with the social “norms” instead of sticking to our authentic selves. In fear of the anxiety that comes when you open yourself up to anyone or become vulnerable in any means.
There is almost an immediate sense of solidarity that comes along with it that can’t really be understood until you have been there yourself.
I’ve read books, listened to podcasts and have followed several people to help keep me motivated on my personal development journey and what I’ve come to realize is that we all have bad days; and its not just important that we accept that, its vital.
Even the most positive people you follow have bad days.
Legitimately, we ALLLL have bad days.
When you’re a parent, it happens to be that those bad days happen a lot more.
Am I wrong? If so… I guess I’m not right. But I feel really strongly that I’m not alone.
Oh good lord don’t even get me started on keeping my house clean and trying to stick to a schedule.
Being a mom, cleaning is like the definition of anxiety.
We keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping that it will just magically stay that way, or atleast that we won’t be the only one enjoying. (Hint hint for all you less than energized spouses out there) 😉
Basically, it’s just never going to happen. So we drive ourselves insane. Atleast I do.
The never ending sink of dishes and crumbs on the floor and the unorganized toy bins that i keep pretending are organized.. it gets to me. It really does. I don’t know why, I try to ignore it, but until my house is clean it will continue to be on my sh*t list.
Same goes for laundry.. I can’t seem to keep up. If I did, I would legit be holding up a laundry service 24 hours a day. And I just can’t do that, not with everything else I do that no one else wants to do.
I mean, who else is going to do it all?
Mama, you reading? do you feel me?
don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and my husband more than life itself, but living a life full of anxiety, trying to teach my kids that nothing in life is free, and having no friends was not what I pictured for myself.
Being a mom causes anxiety because somebody always needs something, including ourselves.
Even when you just need, like, 5 seconds to pee.
It’s not enough that you don’t go so above your own needs that you forget to eat, drink, or even brush your own teeth. I gotta repeat since it’s so constant in our lives:
Someone always needs SOMETHING, and hey mom, anxiety is here to remind you: you’re it.
Of course I love doing things for our family, and it makes me happy and does fill a desire in my heart, it just gets a little chaotic sometimes.
And I love my kids, SO much. But they are chaos. And do you ever think that they think about what mama might need? No. They’re kids, so what can you really expect.
Life with children is everything beautiful and chaotic at the same time. part of having chaotic kids means that you don’t feel comfortable going to other people’s homes. I mean, unless you want to leave with a bill that is.
Thinking ahead has always been a strength of mine, so that answers that.
That means more time at home unless of course you have the time and energy that it takes (probably not much).
Being a mom can already feel extremely lonely when you have anxiety.
In fact it adds to it.
There is people we have to talk to when we don’t feel comfortable, events we have to attend, and things we have to do that just seem to contribute to the anxiety.
Trying to have a social life is a lot harder than it may seem for those of us on a personal growth journey.
There’s a want, need and a desire for socialization but there’s something holding us back.. *cough cough* judgement.
Then you just start to dislike people because it feels like no one gets you. Sound familiar?
Anxiety gets to be exhausting on your mental, spiritual, and eventually your physical health.
Anxiety is the true definition of how terrible of a liar it can be.
Or even so, a narcissist.
Those negative voices telling us that everything we do is wrong. You know, those ones we listen to that leave us feeling scared sick, and alone. The lies. Oh the lies.
Judging ourselves and comparing is what most of us resort to and it leaves us feeling empty inside.
We will never be the mom that we ourselves comparing to.
We all have different pasts, we are each living different lives, and none of our futures will be the same.
So why do we as people, as mothers, as friends judge each other so harshly?
Why do we as moms, cave and bow down to the anxiety that overwhelms us?
Making friends shouldn’t be as hard as it is, but because of the culture we live in it’s become really, really hard.
When everyone is as easily offended as they are these days its almost impossible to not hide out when you have a bad day.
You know those days where you can’t say anything nice, so you choose to not say anything at all? To anyone? So instead of owning it, you hide out, beat yourself up for having feelings, and you dig yourself into a deeper hole of despair.
I know because this has been my life.
I am not proud of it, but these kinda days are just more common when your a mom, just saying.
We all just want to do our best, and hopefully for ourselves and not just everyone else.
How can we help ourselves and other moms with anxiety?
When i see another mom keeping to themselves, what they really need is to know that they aren’t alone.
Maybe they need someone to let show them that it’s OK to have bad days, to cry laugh and scream within the same hour, and to not cook dinner for a week when we just don’t have the energy to. Hey, it happens to the best of us.
Reach out your hand and be the friend that you wish you had.
- Do you want more encouragement? Encourage others!
- Do you want more love in your life? Love others!
- Do you want more friends? Be a friend to others!
Manifest what you want in your life, and it will come back to you.
I understand that it can sound easier than it actually is to do it.
I know there are weeks where it feels impossible. Rest in those moments; just don’t unpack and live there.
We must take action if we want a better life for ourselves.
We’ve got to stop being so judge mental to the mom with anxiety, but most importantly to ourselves.
We have to give our self second chances, and third chances and fourth chances.
We just have to keep trying. For ourselves.
When we become so filled with our own perceptions of what other people think of us we lose the authenticity in our own life.
The more I have been growing, I have realized that my heart has always had a hidden desire to explore so many more things and i am at a point now where i feel like i am ready to pursue them.
I am so happy with the fact that I started this blog a little over a year ago now because the community that has come with it is incomparable to the weight of the world I was feeling before.
I needed to fill that need within myself which was to know I wasn’t alone.
I’m so happy with the outcome from this community and the person that i am becoming because of you all.
If there is one thing I wish I could tell every single person in this world is that you are truly not alone.
It doesn’t matter how much rejection you have faced in your lifetime, how much you have missed out on, or how much you have been taught to hate who you are.
YOU really do MATTER.
And so does the life you are living.
A new breath, a new perspective, and a new attitude. Tomorrow is a new day; rest in that.
Breathe mama, breathe.
PS: No matter who you are, you always have a friend in me.