Anxiety & Mom Guilt Struggles Are Real
I will never forget the look on my daughters face when i walked through the front of her school for lunch bunch. She was standing in line with all of the other kindergartners who didn’t have a parent with them to get their lunch.
Not paying attention to me walking towards her with her happy meal in hand. I saw her head hanging down and tears streaming down her rosy red cheeks quietly standing behind a little boy.
The mom guilt that i felt in that exact moment of being a couple minutes late was unreal.
All of the other parents were already there in the classroom eating lunch with their kids.
I figured she knew that we were coming because my husband and i both told her we would be that morning.
But i know that for a split second, the doubt started to flood her mind. I could see it taking place.
She really thought we weren’t going to come.
Look, i cant be an ‘always’ kind of mom.
I’m not sure i ever will be.
Because life happens everyday and things happen that are out of our own control every single day.
Maybe its traffic, maybe its depression, or an unexpected phone call, a new diagnosis. Or maybe its just running late because you had forgot something and had to turn around.
Things don’t always go the way that we want them to, and they wont. & as much as i wish i could change that for myself and my children and everyone else, i cant. No one can.
However, one thing that i will always be is an honest kind of mom.
I will always be a ‘do what i say i’m going to do’ kind of mom. The kind of mom who shows up when she says shes going to, even if i’m late.
I had to tell the mom guilt in my mind to shut the hell up.
I had to remind myself of these few things just so that i could sit with my daughter joyfully. & not continue to beat myself up.
We enjoyed our lunch together while she shared with her class just how special our family was to her. She bolted out the door quicker than i could get a kiss from her to join her friends at recess when it was all said and done.
It turns out that there is no such thing as being a perfect parent, but we are without a doubt exactly the parent our kid needs.
We cannot let the mom guilt we feel from the enemy steal the joy from these moments in motherhood.
& we must understand that we can’t protect our children from all of the things we think we can. They are their own human and eventually they will have to figure things out for themselves, too.
Sometimes lessons need to be learned through experience. And although it breaks our heart to see our kids anything but happy,
The best thing we can do is to be the best we can, with where we’re at, and with what we have.
It also turns out that ‘the best thing’ will look different for every single family out there.
Each one of us has a different perspective of what that looks like from the experiences we’ve had and the boundaries we have built.
And that’s ok.
For my family and i, we have learned through trial and error that being honest with our kids about why things happen the way they do is what works best for our family.
My kids do so much better when they don’t feel like they have to figure out the answers for themselves.
I can’t control the fact that i was running late that morning and that my daughter was feeling negative emotions because of it. But, what i can control is how i teach my kids to think things through and not let emotions get the best of them.
I’m sure i could have done things differently to make sure i was on time that day, but that’s not what the point is.
The point is that my children understand that life doesn’t always go as we plan. and that certain things don’t always align perfectly or the way we want them to.
That they also understand where negative feelings are coming from and how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Life isn’t fair & more often than not we are dealt a card we have no clue what to do with. But we must figure out how to play it if we want to win.
Its OK to feel however you are feeling, just don’t forget what some of the most important things are.
My goal is to teach them to learn how to grow through the hard things and not get stuck in a viscous cycle of self sabotage like i have done myself for so many years & what my mind still tries to divert to at times.
Not having or knowing that you have emotional support is the beginning of the downfall. & the whole goal is to avoid that crash and the negative emotions that breed there.
Because the truth is that they become so hard to fight off once they consume you.
We must learn how to stay on top of them so we can allow ourselves to evolve into something greater.
Prioritizing emotions, honesty, and what’s realistic in my mind against whats not has gotten me the farthest in moving forward from a bad moment and a bad day.
It’s important that we find whats truly important in the midst of the chaos & to find the ultimate balance in our mind, body, and soul in order to live a fulfilled life.
I will continue to teach my kids what’s important no matter what society implies. These things matter more to me than being the mom that is always consistent in all the wrong things.
I cant always be the mom to do “all the things”, But i will always be ‘what is the most important thing right now’ kind of mom.