healing is a process

Healing is a process. Will it come to an end?

Its been quite awhile since I’ve written anything on my blog. It’s been almost 2 years now since I’ve started this journey and i cant help but reflect on how much healing it has provided me. I’m not sure what exactly it is that i have to say here today but i feel an overwhelming nudge to write a post, like right now.

First, i want to say thank you to all of you who have been here supporting me. Whether it be regularly visiting my blog, keeping up with me on social media, and/or praying for my family and i, i see you. And your loving and encouraging words do not go unheard. I hold them close, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here.

Over these last 6 or so months there has been a lot in my life that has changed. We have moved houses, started rebuilding broken relationships, our kids started new schools, helping a loved one through addiction, started volunteering at church for the first time ever,i hired a business coach, and then getting diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

The biggest lesson here; healing is an ongoing process.

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you may already be aware of the fact that I’ve been really sick ever since getting pregnant with our second child. She is now five years old, so I have gone years now with unanswered and misdiagnosed symptoms. Its been one hell of a journey and it has made me become so thankful for so many things that i never used to think about before.

I would be lying to you if i said i wasn’t scared about having cancer. But, i’m doing my best to stay as positive as i can with the help of my family, my heavenly father and my amazing community. All of you 🙂

Since hearing the words cancer, my life has been flashing before my eyes every waking moment like some old movie playing on repeat. Its full of memories that are joyful and some that aren’t the easiest to think about. It’s really making me take a step back and realize what this has all really been about.

This isn’t about me.

Sounds corny, right? Well i don’t mean it to.

At first acknowledgment of those words i wanted to blame myself, and i questioned every decision i have made for my health up until this point. Now that i have had some time to think about it and to hear the inspiring words of others i have come to realize that this is just another fight that the enemy is picking with me.

Because i do want to help others so deeply, i have been tapping into everything that i can to help the situations in my own life first.  And the enemy wants to ruin that however he sees fit. And i see this as just one of his many evil schemes.

So even when it gets hard, i cant give up.

When you face things that make you feel in danger, it makes you think of those from your past, it makes you think of the things you’ve been through good and bad, what people will say about you if and when you go, and it even makes you question yourself, a lot. But you cant give up. 

As certain situations have been making their forefront in my memory, i’m suddenly noticing the small intricate holes in my heart where the dysfunction in my life has continuously made me silently bitter.

I assumed wrong.

I thought since i began this healing journey awhile ago that i would magically start feeling better soon. And i once thought that just because i had stopped hanging out with the person, avoiding the feelings, or simply because i just said that i forgive them, that i truly meant it.

I wasn’t aware of the way it has effected me and even those around me.

In fact, it has affected me so much so that i have struggled to allow new relationships in my life to blossom which in turn has robbed me from that joy.

Our society has made us believe that when we forgive someone we are supposed to forget about the things they’ve done and jump right back into the place we were before and trust that person again. Some of us end up in abusive relationships because of this and never find a way out, and its not OK.

We’re made to believe that that’s what makes us a good friend, a good spouse, or even the “popular” one. But that’s not the truth at all.I want you to hear me out:

Ignoring what someone has done is giving them the authority to treat you however they want; and in the end, we remain resentful and we have to be the one to carry the weight. And that weight gets really heavy and exhausting really quick.

Life and relationships are messy but they were never meant to be so hard.

We need to be the ones at the front of the line for our life and to fight for the life that we want. The enemy will always be there trying to defeat you and i. He is making sure that we are feeling the feelings and he wants us to unpack our bags in live right there.

He throws things in our face putting us through hardships and encouraging us to separate and to hurt one another. But, this doesn’t align with what is meant for us. These things encourage us to build walls to keep one another at a distance, and the only thing that happens is that we remain bitter.

What we don’t realize is that these walls (the small holes in the heart), are stealing joy,peace, hope, and happiness away from us and blinding us from the blessings that are trying to pour into us.

What we must do instead is;

  • Quit reliving the past by confronting the pain.
  • Release control by not seeking revenge.
  • Trust his plan by having faith.
  • Remember the lesson so that we don’t hurt ourselves again.
  • Forgive by letting go of bitterness.
  • Forget the past by looking forward to the future.
  • Love ourselves by remembering whose we are.

And most importantly, we must forgive ourselves for the healing we haven’t yet done.

Its all a process and we are all on a unique journey for a specific reason. Acknowledge and appreciate where you are at in this moment so that you can allow yourself to take the next step.

We have to ask ourselves; Who is this fight really against in the bigger picture? Just as misery loves company, the enemy loves dysfunction and he loves when we partake in it with him. He doesn’t want us to be happy or have hope, he wants us to be miserable and to keep us from healing any wounds.

Keep fighting the good fight and pressing into whats good for your mind, body, and soul and doing what you can to make yourself happy and full of joy. This will always be an ongoing battle, so buckle up and brace yourselves. Were in for quite a ride.

You deserve the healing that is coming your way. It will be hard, but i promise staying positive and keeping your eyes forward makes it not just easier to deal with, but it makes the whole process a little more worth it.

Whatever comes easy is never really worth it. Click To Tweet
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