Anxiety and EMDR
Although I have felt alone, I truly believe anxiety is something we all struggle living with.
Each one of us is so unique, that the way we deal with things or the way we show our anxiety is completely different. Even the ones we look up to and the happy ones in this life deal with anxiety. We all have a vice, we all have our own way of dealing with things, and we all have a certain genre of people and things that we fit into. The older i get, i am interested in learning about natural ways to heal; which is why EMDR was so intriguing to me.
My racing thoughts have never made much sense to me until i decided to put them down on paper. I’m thankful for my struggles and my hardships as they have brought me to where I am today and without the lessons they have taught me I wouldn’t be as content as I am in this moment.
“The cure for the pain is in the pain.” – Rumi
No doctor, medication, cream, exercise, or anything has helped me get rid of my panic attacks. I truly believe it is something you can’t heal from but something you have to learn how to overcome. In my experience, anxiety is something you need to reverse your mind and your body from.
It’s a state in which your body feels most comfortable at with the pace your anxious mind has conformed to.
Our minds are extremely powerful and they have the ability to forcefully forget certain memories, mostly trauma. But our bodies won’t and will never forget and it shows in various ways all the way from sickness, panic attacks, hyper vigilance, OCD and a constant state of anxiety to localized but unexplained pain.
Anxiety is crazy in its many forms.
Mind over matter doesn’t always work for people like me.. my panic attacks were so bad at some points that no matter how bad I wanted to stop violently shaking and stop throwing up, stop hyperventilating, I couldn’t.
Mind over matter didn’t work. Simple anxiety techniques didn’t work for me.
No matter how hard I tried I was still suffering and needed help.
For years I have felt hopeless.. like this was my normal that I had to adjust to. I wasn’t depressed and I had to do everything I could to convince my doctors so!
SSRIs are another word for antidepressant.
Let me tell you why I feel the way I do about medications but specifically antidepressants..
when I was a young teenager I was suffering from gastric issues like I do now just not so intense (at the time thinking I had allergies), I tried taking an antidepressant to see if it would help- per multiple drs request.
I knew that I didn’t need it, but figured I would try anyways. Worst mistake ever. I had never dealt with such evil thoughts before. And I had never felt so tired, drained and just over all “over it”. After all I have ever been through, not once did I feel that way prior to taking an SSRI.
It was scary and it felt like I had no control.
As soon as i realized the correlation, i stopped taking them that very next day.
PTSD and EMDR
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment. I was part of the 63% suffering and refusing to be treated. I truly understand what it feels like to tell yourself daily that your fine and that you don’t need help.
After years of battling with myself and finding the right therapist for me, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Crazy right? I thought PTSD was mainly for veterans, but turns out thats a huge misconception.
My therapist introduced me to EMDR therapy and it has literally changed my life. Literally. EMDR has actually helped me unlike many other failed attempts.
If you are wondering at all what this is, look it up right now and then finish reading. It will make more sense.
I had absolutely no reaction to it at all when i first started; and I honestly thought my therapist was a little crazy.
I gave it another try. After my second session I had an enormous amount of negative thoughts that I couldn’t seem to shake, and it overwhelmed me so much during the process that it made me physically hurt.
My third and fourth time were very similar to my second, and it seemed as if every time I tried to tell myself something positive that my body was fighting it.
The physical reactions was that my heart would race, palms sweaty, knees tense, and I felt like I was going to vomit.
The “process” as you call it during your therapy session, can carry on for up to 48 hours after your session, and the first few times it affected me this bad, it affected me until the next day.
I started believing in emdr therapy when I noticed I was able to rely on myself. Then i noticed I started to have more control over my thoughts too. It honestly feels like my brain has been unclogged from a lot of just, shit.
From the first few times that I did EMDR therapy I went from being evaluated at a 10 with my negative core belief when he is the worst.. to The last time I did EMDR therapy where I was easily at a 1-2.
EMDR therapy changed the game for me and my anxiety.
This process is different for everyone and results can but don’t always happen overnight.
I’m thankful for jesus, for my therapist, and thankful for my own intuition which led me to seek help for myself beyond my doctors understanding. I could be in a much scarier, darker, more alone place right now if I never found the help I did.
And now all I want to do is help encourage and inspire others to do the same and to find their tribe that they feel they belong to.
We all belong somewhere.