Answering The Call
The world is really weird right now. Not only does it feel different, it feels really heavy.
& as much as I would love to be all positive, I would rather just be real.
Answering the call from God isn’t a cakewalk.
I haven’t been posting much on here or on social media because I just haven’t felt called or even motivated to.
Back in March I spoke at my first event and thought I was aligned with where I was. I felt whole. It felt pure. & I had a plan. I even started taking classes through AACC to become a mental health coach so I can help others.
It’s crazy how much the enemy has tried to steal from me ever since then. There has been so much deception. A rollercoaster of it to be quite exact.
Going backwards in time when I was a little girl I used to hear from God, very clearly. Well, that went away after years of ignoring him and the will he had chosen for my life. I went down many different roads and I can honestly say it was my children that led me back to him.
I’ve been working so hard at hearing from him again so that I can have that light back in me that others have told me shined so bright.
It’s been a process of figuring out who I really am and what I am meant to do. A process of building up and breaking down again, over and over.
Speaking has definitely been something that hasn’t gone away at the end of every breaking.
However, speaking on that stage made my soul vulnerable. It’s like I was taken advantage of by the enemy the days following the pouring out of my heart where I shared some of the hardest parts of my testimony to a room filled of almost 100 women.
Since April I have felt the complete opposite from what I thought I would feel. Fulfilled, happy, moving forward are all things I thought I would be feeling and doing. Sadly, its been the opposite.
Truth is, I slowly but surely began to feel further away from God & that closeness with him. I began to believe that I couldn’t help people unless I removed certain parts of who I am, like my faith and how much I believe in the power of prayer.
Trying way too hard to be a ‘good fit’ in society and for those around me.
(I even went as far as removing the word Jesus from my bio on Instagram when listing things I have passion for).
Why would I do that? I have always been passionate about Jesus! Those who really know me, know this.
That ‘good fit’ I was chasing after led me straight to the enemy. In comparison to what Gods word says, my bones were becoming very, very dry.
I started to hear the lies that I had to change parts of who I am and how I want to help people, and I believed them. My thoughts overran the truth and I even started to think that maybe I can’t help people….I have felt so lost the last few months to be totally honest.
About 2 months ago I was awoken from an intense dream one like I had never had before.
It felt so real and everything in my dream was exactly as it was in reality. I was laying in my bed and I could feel a black hole of energy sucking me out of my bed and pulling me down the hallway. I was reaching for my blankets and planting my feet firm in the floor and screaming and begging for it to not take me.
My husband woke me up and I was in instant tears. I never felt so close to the enemy before in my entire life.
I. Was. Terrified. My husbands exact words to me were “it sounded like something was snatching your soul from your body! ‘ And I replied “that’s exactly what it felt like.”
Ever since that incident I have been leaning to God again and asking him to start speaking to me again in a way I can really hear him, and thankfully he has been. I have been going to church again, asking my prayer friends for extra prayers, and worshipping my heart out.
I’ve been hearing from God again and there are certain things he has been revealing to me that are currently changing my life.
Certain people like @kassyredeemed on Instagram who are on a similar journey have been helping me see things clearly again.
At the end of the day I feel like this was a process I’ve needed to go through.
The breaking before the breakthrough.
The fire before the refining.
The pressure before the molding.
It feels like my eyes have been opened even more. Things don’t really seem the same as they once did. It’s crazy how much comfort God can bring to your life when you truly surrender every fear, worry, and struggle to him.
That’s what faith is really all about anyways, right? Surrender & trust. I’m learning I don’t have to fully understand the plan as long as I trust the outcome.
I still really want to help people, and I still feel like that’s a part of the plan. However, I know that it’s going to look different than I thought it would be. And that’s totally ok.
The world feels so dark right now and although we know this place isn’t our eternal home, trying to find a ‘place’ while we’re here feels like a major journey not many of us want to even face.
So we just stay where we are. Full of fear, anger, mistrust, and sometimes even abuse (to yourself or others).
I feel called to lead people on a journey out of desperation and to that place of hope.
Whether it be the words I write, the words I speak, or the way I live my life, I really hope to just bring people hope.
Trusting the call, and then answering the call are essential first steps.
& for me writing this is an answer to the call that’s been put on my heart.
What call has God put on your heart during all the crazy-ness that’s been going on in the world?
Whatever it is, I hope you choose to answer him. And I pray that your eyes continue to stay on him and that they don’t get distracted by society or the people around you. Talk to God. He loves to hear from you.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” -Ephesians 6:12
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day” -Psalm 91:1-16
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
“And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues;” -Mark 16:17
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” -Ephesians 6:10-18
Interested in my Spotify Worship Playlist? I linked it here.