Advice to my younger self
I’m writing this mainly for myself. These are things I have had to tell myself daily and they finally came out in one of my writings. And it’s a lot. But I clearly needed to get it out.
I want to start this by saying how grateful I am. For not only the easy days, but for the hard ones too, because those are the days that truly show me and remind me who I really am.
It seems that you are at your most truest self when life gets hard and stressful or under pressure. It’s during these times that you usually say or show how you feel without hesitation.
I have had a lot of those bad days recently and I have learned so much about myself during these times.
There’s so many other changes that you don’t really plan on changing once you start discovering yourself at the place you were meant to be. It almost feels as if you even lose your name because you don’t even look at yourself the same.
Who are you and how do you identify your self?
Not to say that it’s a bad thing, but it’s crazy what you don’t realize what it does to you as a person when you don’t have much time to yourself, if any at all.
I may be alone on this one but do you ever feel like you as a person are completely invisible to those around you at times?
I have learned to not wait for reactions from others that will simply never be there. In the end those are just expectations you are holding on other people. That’s not fair to anyone else let alone yourself.
But damn it does gets frustrating..
Not understanding why certain people don’t have decency like you do or why they don’t see the things the way you do. Why they don’t love like you do.
When we are lacking time to ourselves, we seem to get overwhelmed so much easier with the things and the people around us.
Does other moms ever look at other moms and notice only the good things? Like how they always seem to have their shit together? The friends they have? And how their hair and make up are always done to a T? Or is that just me?
I am TOTALLY guilty of not doing my hair and makeup since becoming a mom. I mean, 3 kids, 6 and under is life sucking enough! Who has time for hair and make up AND a clean house anymore?!
We sit back and ask ourselves sometimes what the heck am I doing wrong that I can’t be doing the very same things that I am just so envious about. We beat ourselves up. We over analyze parts of our days and wish we could have changed the way things have went.
Truth is, you only know what you see until you meet someone personally.
Being a judgemental person has hurt me. Trust me I have been there, I’m sure we all have been. We would all be lying if we said we have never judged anyone or anything before.
It’s actually sad that most judgements you make are off first impressions and usually when you make those first judgments you stick with them.
In my experience and opinion it’s ok to have judgement on someone, but don’t let your judgement on them be a reflection of your character. Don’t let that first impression stick with them until they prove it to be true.
Usually it only takes a handful of times or experiences with someone to find out who they are and if you truly want them in your life. Others it can sometimes take years and years or a lifetime and you don’t even realize that they are right in front of you.
The goodness of your heart can sometimes really bury you. But you have to not let it.
Inspiration inspires me to be inspiring.
The first step in being an inspirational person is to be authentic.
Authenticity is such a beautiful thing and something that is highly encouraged in self help books, seminars, TED talks, etc.
But it’s also something that has been exemplified in such a way that people have begun to use it as a stage to overshare so to speak.
While honestly and accountability are far more pleasant to hear about rather than arrogance and self righteous is, some say that the idea that you should own your own story has raised some confusion.
For instance, Using social media like a personal diary and sharing every bit of information about yourself to others can have some serious consequences.
You could end up pushing those away from you that truly do care for you because of how uncomfortable your personal information can make them.
Plus, you may just reveal your information to the wrong person who may not even have your best interest at heart which can also lead someone to easily take advantage of you.
Although I have and still believe in having your privacy. I have come to a point where I have learned to really let it all go. Because quite frankly, none of us have it together. Some of us just hide it better than others.
Some of us have been expected of so much through out our lives that life has simply become too heavy or too hard to deal with. I have always liked the saying that when hard things happen it’s either what makes your or breaks you. You have to make the choice to not let it break you or define you.
We expect so much of ourselves that most of the time it is unrealistic. We look at people who are skinnier than we are, more fit than we are. And we compare ourselves. We compare our faults to other people’s successes and it damages us. We constantly expect our lives to be perfect when it just won’t ever be. Ever.
That’s something we all really need to realize.
I know that life seems like it’s never fair and sometimes it seems like we will never be enough for our children. When it seems like no matter what we do we are still not doing good enough for ourselves.
Trying to keep up with your kids and their schools, the cleanliness of your home, the doctors appointments for every one of you in the family (because we all know that’s moms job, right?!), figuring out what to make for dinner and doing the grocery shopping for it( most of the time they are with you which is hell on it’s own).
And then dealing with getting home, putting things away and dealing with everyone’s needs that magically come the minute you walk through the door of your home.
Life is so hard. Life is so tiring.
We all want to feel like we have it together. Maybe not having it together is really the trick to having it together.
We only get to see a glimpse of people’s real lives on social media and that goes with anyone famous too.
We have to put ourselves in the mindset and realization that we all struggle and we all have hardships.
Maybe this moment is the best your life will ever be.
Maybe it’s not. Who’s to say.
Either way, we need to be thankful for what we have, thankful for the annoyances and thankful for the hard times because they all bring us to where we are and who we are.
Some days are just hard. Those days for me are usually easily noticeable just by the dishes still in my sink before I go to bed. It has taken me so long to be OK with that. But I have to be. And so do you.
I know it’s easier said than done. I am aware that I need to listen to my own advice at times.. but this was weighing in my heart heavy today.
If your a mom, find a local MOPS group. Or if your not a mom, find something you can get yourself involved in that will make you happy.
This is something I will be doing this year. Fear has held me back in my comfort zone for way too long. Maybe you are like me? We can totally experience this getting out of comfort, together!
I have heard amazing things about MOPS and how they can connect you with other mamas in the same shoes as you. You get together, they offer free childcare and you have the ability to meet some new mama faces, do different things together, etc.
This is a huge blessing when you are home alone.. all the time.. and you and the kids need to get out of the house.
If you are afraid of that maybe start with getting out for a couple hours by yourself once or twice a month, maybe a week. With kids or without. Do what works best for you.
But start focusing on yourself more physically and spiritually and not just mentally. We all hold way too much mental stress upon ourselves. There’s got to be a place and a time that you will reach and you will realize enough is enough.
When you do, don’t be afraid to pick up your phone and make a call to reach out to someone. And follow through. Always follow through.
Also some things to remember..
- Treat people the way you want to be treated.
- Don’t hold any expectations on anyone but yourself.
- Be true to yourself.
- Remove any toxicity from your life.
- Realize when your stressed.
- Nothing in life is free. If you truly want something you have to work for it.
- Find good people that are good for your heart and be around them.
- Drink more water.
- Take deep breaths. In the nose, out the mouth.
- Consider your priorities and refigure them if you need to.
- Strive for gratititude, always.