Loving the Process, Even When It’s Hard To.

“I love the person I have become, because I fought to become her.”

She came from a place of self hate, hopeless dreams and empty promises.

Carrying her story with a sorry and smiles until she one day realized she no longer had anything to be sorry about.

That smile she was wearing was like a band-aid covering up everything that broke her down to right where she was.

And she prayed hard everyday for something to wake her up from the nightmare that was reality and being trapped in her own mind.

Then she did; She woke up.

She began to look at her experiences as a way to give to this world and not to take.

She looked at herself as an equal to the others around her and no longer felt accustomed to what everyone else thought was right for her.

She stopped searching for her worth and validation in other people and things and began to see herself not as others told her to.

She began to recognize herself, from the inside out.

She no longer bowed down to bullshit and she began to speak where she never would before breaking down walls of intimidation, disloyalty, hurt, dishonesty, and shame.

She learned that losing people and things are necessary stepping stones in every chapter of life.

She thrives off of smiles, friendly interactions, and even huge bear-hugs that make you feel like you have to let go just to breathe again.

Loving hard is and always will be first nature for her.

She has become a woman of her own, that girl.

And that girl is me.

Although the journey to liking and loving myself hasn’t been an easy one, i won’t and will never give up.

No matter who is up against me.

I love with all I have but I understand now that not all things reciprocate and that we shouldn’t punish ourselves for keeping ourselves away from the things that don’t.

This 26 year old woman is just now finding that she no longer needed to feel the acceptance from others to be herself because she has been through enough to know that if you don’t accept yourself first,

then you will struggle to find someone else who does accept you for you.

No amount of opposition can break me down anymore because I won’t let it.

I know what I want and I won’t let anything stop me from getting there.

Pure happiness is my destination , every morning.

I know now that knowing what you want in life is your strong force. And you have to fight for it everyday.

There is no handbook for life and no exact time line for anyone of us.

We don’t know how many years of mistakes we will need to make before we finally start understanding who and/or what we are meant to be.

It may just be a year, but it may be 20.

The point is to start now.

Start loving yourself as you are meant to.

You owe this world everything that you are, and could be.

The world wants to love you back just as much.

Open your eyes to what your mind so badly wants to push away.

Everyday won’t be the same, it won’t ever be simultaneously “easy”.

That’s why loving the process is so important.

Growth. It’s everything amazing and beautiful.

Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it will no longer have power over you.

-Courtney Flores