Being A Mom Is So Hard, But So Worth It
Don’t get me wrong, there are easy moments as a parent but i’m just saying that from my perspective being a mom is fricken’ hard.
Actually, i will say that its the hardest thing i have ever had to do.
Out of everything else i have been through, i would say that being a mom has been the hardest; because its a choice i choose to make day after day. It means that i put other peoples needs and wants first in my life before i take a second to glance at my own.
If you would have asked me 10 years ago i was for sure that i wanted to be a mom. What i didn’t realize is what it all entailed to be. Its easy when your not the one dealing with the 24/7 care. The appointments, the financials, the cleaning, requests from teachers and caregivers, hygiene for 3 small people, cooking meals, and the never ending pile of laundry, etc, etc.. to think that parenting is easy and something i thought i could do.
Truthfully, i don’t think i can do it almost every single day.
My kids are now 7, 4, and 1 and every single day i feel like there is at least one thing that i am failing at. The truth is that it’s impossible to ever get everything right.
There are always things to be done and never enough time to get them all done. At the end of the day when i lay my head down at night that guilt sets in that i am completely messing up. Maybe its the anxiety speaking to me, but either way.. the thoughts are there.
I try and deny the fact that i’m not a sappy person but honestly, i go to sleep almost every night with tear filled eyes from the thoughts of how my day went and a prayer in my heart asking god if i could just be better and do better tomorrow.
He hasn’t failed me yet.
I mean, my kids do seem to miss me when i’m not around so that tells me that i am doing something right.
That doesn’t take away from the fact that they have billions of tiny requests that are constantly being spoken into my ear. And that also doesn’t mean that they don’t get upset with me because my brain just automatically shuts their voices out sometimes.
They require so much of my mental and physical energy that i struggle so hard to find even just a little bit of time for myself.
and the older we are all getting, the harder its getting.
I cant help but be thankful for this life that i’m living because god only knows how much worse it could really be. My husband and i are blessed to have the life we have.
Reminding ourselves of how much worse it could be is an important reminder for the both of us and something we try and teach to our children.
Life doesn’t just happen for anyone without work, patience, and persistence. Unless of course you have things handed to you and in that case, it took someone else’s work, patience, and persistence.
Its easy for us to forget these things when we are in the trenches. Like many other young families, we have our struggles.
Although i’m extremely thankful that we are able to keep afloat throughout the year; I cant deny that it makes me feel like i’m failing when things happen like we cant enroll our children into the activities that they want to be apart of because they are so freakin’ expensive ( seriously though).
Or when we choose to not attend a friends birthday party because we truly cant afford a gift ;let alone the gas to get there. All of my insecurities and the things i never wanted for my own kids have come true.
Those are the types of things that eat at my mind when i’m standing still on a Monday night.
Not the fact that we have a roof over our head, we aren’t starving, and we all have clothes that fit us. Why can’t my mind refrain to those thoughts instead??
completely exhausted with 3 kids surrounding me in a filthy kitchen. Haven’t even fed them dinner yet or even finished the other 3 things i had started before i end up standing there in a puddle of sorrow.
Its so easy to beat myself up when everything around me isn’t going my way.
Its like someone is spraying a hose full of uncertainty straight into my mind to make me feel worse than i already do.
Sometimes being a mom makes me forget who i am. All the self care practiced and it still happens to me. I still get drained and have moments of wanting to give up.
But i get up and look at these little faces of love that are dependent upon me, and i cant. I can’t give up on them like people have given up on me and it’s my dying wish to make sure they never have to feel the pain I did.
Being a mom is literally one of the hardest jobs on this planet, yet its the most rewarding.
Its rewarding in many ways and not just one. Not just because you get to be the best meal maker, towel folder, or ow-ie kisser; but because you know that all of the hard work now will be worth it later. At least we hope so anyways.
The things i have been through in life were all a lesson for me and have made me to be the person i am today and that will be the outline of the story for my kids, too. As long as we continue to remind ourselves that life is happening for us and not to us, our kids will train to perceive life the same.
Every hardship right now will give them the tools they need later.
The crappy friends, the mean people we encounter, and the unfortunate situations we find ourselves in, there is worth in there somewhere.
As a mom, i vow to try my hardest to be the light in their dark and to show the positivity where there only seems to be negative.
Its my job to share with my kids the good in the world, and to teach them how kindness works but also to not be naive about the real world. and how you always treat people the way you want to be treated.
Life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to, and it gets hard, reaaaaaally hard.
But as long as we see ourselves as worthy in as big of the mess we are in, so will our kids.
The older my kids are getting the more i realize how important it is to talk with them about my family own feelings and encourage them to be open about theirs.
As parents we just want to know their heart and all of the bad stuff so that we can do what we can to make it better.
Keep making things better, mama. Being a mom is hard and at times feels like you have given yourself away, but every bit of it is and will be worth it. Don’t forget to love yourself in the seasons, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup.