5 things that are holding you back from being YOU
Do you have a hard time putting yourself first?
If you have been reading my content for any amount of time you have probably figured out pretty fast that my passion has been for mental health, normalizing it, and raising awareness in the social media atmosphere.
I only thought it was appropriate to write this post being that this past year has been a whirlwind of change in my life that has pushed me to being the ultimate me that I have always wanted to truly be.
Being yourself can be hard this day in age.
It could be an abusive relationship you are currently in or maybe it’s something that happened to you in your past that haunts you day in and day out.
The pressure from society making us feel like we need to be a certain way definitely doesn’t help either.
Figuring out what has held me back this whole time has been life altering to the max.
I’m the type of person who when given the answer or reason for why something isn’t working, I want to fix it. And I want to it now.
Patience hasn’t always been my strength and I feel like god has truly been putting me through the test.
Along with so many other faults. One thing I can actually account for is determination.
I always thought I was ok with how I was before and soul searching was something I didn’t ever want to do.
I’m not sure of it was the fear of what others would think of me in that process.
Here I was a woman who has lived with herself for 26 years and still has no idea who she is, what she wants, her hobbies, none of it.
I don’t know about you, but being a mom and not knowing who you are is hard.
How do you build something out of a million pieces without reading a manual first? And how do you know what tools to even use?
You really don’t, and if you try, you probably won’t get too far.
Taking care of people can seem seamless at times for me and others it feels like a lot of work.
The days it feels like a heavy amount are the days when I know I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I should be. Those are the days my anxieties get harder to deal with and my patience runs out.
These are also the days that I shut down, I push others out, and I start obsessing over what my next quick fix will be thinking that I will be somehow change it overnight.
The problem is and always has been that I was always focused on the wrong thing.
Quick fixes are always more attractive when it comes to taking care of ourselves and with all that I have learned in my life, I am finally understanding that anything worth lasting will not change overnight.
So buckling down and making real change is what I started to do. I’m still learning and growing, but here are 6 things that I have discovered that have been holding me back from being myself.
Society/ Other People
The sad thing about society today is that it’s no longer very personable.
You don’t get to meet the people you crave to be like in real life, and the people who see you on social media don’t get to see you for who you really are.
It’s so hard to know what’s real anymore and not only that, but the social media atmosphere in general has become very intrusive to people’s thoughts and what they think they should or shouldn’t be.
Don’t even get me started I have a love hate relationship with social media 🙈
What’s helped me is understanding that you can’t make everybody happy and you never will; but you can make yourself happy.
Being a people pleaser is a direct correlation to hating conflict.
Which is a double edged sword because ultimately it makes it harder for you to say NO to the things you don’t want to do and instead leaves you doing things you DONT want to do passively and out of frustration.
Truth is though, that having everyone always “get along” doesn’t always work.
It can be a hard pill to swallow once you stand up for yourself and the things you feel strong about and realizing that someone may not like you because of it.
But once you finally do use your voice, you will find the power within yourself and you won’t want to stop using it.
Unexpected issues in life happen.
When the ‘unexpected’ happens we tend to run away.
Life happens to all of us.
Positive and negative changes are constantly taking place and one thing that may be hard to accept is that it’s all out of your control.
We can’t determine what god has set out for us and we won’t ever know what lies ahead.
Focusing on the things we can’t change does nothing but fuel our anxiety.
So allow yourself to have the bad days just as much as the good days and appreciate them for what they bring you and teach you.
We’re all learning to be better everyday.
So don’t let other people push you around, and stick up for what YOU know is right for you.
Use that voice god so lovingly gave you.
Trying to be “enough”
This one gets me.
I’m not sure if it was the fact that my step father was never satisfied with me no matter what I did for him, or my ex who I attached myself to, or if it was the fact that my own mom has struggled to show me affection.
But, trying to be “enough” for the people in my life is something that I let take over me and consume my everyday habits.
Being accepted is something I used to wake up every day and work hard at.
My strength of determination was being used in all of the wrong ways.
You would think that adults wouldn’t worry so much about what other people are doing, but for some that’s not the case.
For some of us, these issues never went away from high school.
The truth is that we will never be enough for anything until we start being enough for ourselves.
This is always a hard pill to swallow because none of us want to admit that our families or a friend or someone we were close to are hurting us.
It may not be intentional, but being as you already know how your family operates you already know what they like and don’t like.
To make it harder, they already know what they want for you before you even know what you want for you.
“Doing you” might push some away, but don’t let that stop you from shining your light.
Sometimes others will do what they can to dim it, especially when your light is shining bright because of something they don’t agree with.
You have to keep fighting for yourself and who you want to be.
God never meant for you to only live half of yourself.
He wants you to be who he made you to be.
And you won’t find her until all of these things no longer stand in your way.
Uncover the truths in your life until the way you live and speak is so raw that everyone you meet will want a taste of how sweet you really are.
You were made to do great things.
Shocker isn’t it? I have personally been so focused on this topic lately.
And not just because I think this is something other people need to learn, but I know that this is what I need to be learning too.
Comparison isn’t just the thief of joy, it’s the thief of health and well-being.
It’s ok to want more, but I feel like we are called to have grace in those seasons where we dont have what we want.
There is always something to be learned in the seasons of change, grief, and even in the joy.
Start looking at those things happening to you for a reason, to show you something.
Take what you can learn from it and move forward.
But for the love of all things holy, please stop comparing your story to anyone else’s.
This life is happening for you, not to you. Just as it is for everyone else.
What are you waiting for?
Somethings you don’t want to hear are maybe just the things that your mind needs to be aware of.
Maybe you don’t realize it because you have been stuck in a cloud for too long and the only thing you have been able to focus on is “why me”.
Of course we all have our days, and don’t get me wrong– I have them a lot.
I am my biggest fault, and i am so thankful i now know that.
I feel like so many others don’t realize how much they are truly standing in their own way.
It’s so much easier to blame other things and other people when what they are doing is effecting us in such a way that makes us feel like a victim.
It’s easier to place blame and to turn the other cheek to your own dealings.
Have you recently, or in the past 6 months taken a glance at your life to see the patterns you have inhabited?
Do you have an irregular pattern of happiness, anger, joy, hate,etc?
Have you ever wondered what it is that you are doing wrong, and why bad stuff continues to happen TO you?
I’m with you sister.
My entire life has been a roller coaster and it wasn’t until this last year that I finally started to see some stability and consistency.
Life isn’t perfect for anybody.
You will always your own worst critic, so don’t be too hard on yourself. However, we need to check ourselves as regularly as we can.
Mind body and soul check.
Let go of the things that are holding us back and no longer fueling our fire. Say yes to the new opportunity we never thought we would take. Open the door to the next career you always dreamed of having.
Positive change takes work, and sometimes a lot of it. But I promise you friend, it’s worth it.
Only you can determine what’s best for you.
By no means am I a doctor or therapist or anything like that of any sort.
But, what I do have is faith, very real life experiences, and self taught knowledge that I have attained and have now been using effectively in my life.
There is still so much more I want to do with my life, and this blog has been an amazing place for me to start.
Could I ask you all to do me a huge favor?
If you feel inspired at all by my writings and you would like to read more or have an idea, could you leave me a comment or send me an email?
I love to hear from my readers!
AND if you want to spread the love,
could you please share or pin this somewhere where you think it could help someone else?
I know for me, sometimes all I need to move forward from something is a nudge. My hope is that this could be your “nudge” to start loving yourself a bit more.
Thank you a billion.